


To Start Anew

by Tardis_Witch



Category: Poldark (TV 2015)
Genre: Bisexual Demelza, Canon Divergence, F/F, Fix-It, Lesbian Elizabeth, Women just trying to survive in a patriarchal world, make it gay, soon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-04
Updated: 2017-10-03
Packaged: 2019-01-08 21:44:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12262671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tardis_Witch/pseuds/Tardis_Witch
Summary: After Ross never returns for Elizabeth, she forgoes her marriage to George and runs away with her son to start a new life, but first she makes one stop, to see if her once-friend will join her on her escape. Elizabeth contemplates her experiences with love, and the possibility that she'll find it somewhere other than men.





	To Start Anew

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, first off I didn't tag this Rape/Non-con, because it doesn't actually happen in this fic, but the night with Ross is mentioned often, and while some may debate whether or not that was TECHNICALLY rape, there wasn't any clear show of consent on Elizabeth's part, so ... take from that what you will.   
> Also, I would like it to be known that I LOVE Ross Poldark for the most part. Elizabeth's bitterness toward him in this fic is exactly that - Elizabeth's. Not mine. I have mixed feelings toward this train-wreck of a man.

"I don't understand. How can he treat me so? How can leave things so … up in the air?!" Elizabeth exclaimed, staring at Aunt Agatha desperately. What on earth was she supposed to do? What was Ross going to do? She had assumed, when he'd come to her in the night, that he had some sort of plan, but there had been no word since and she was starting to wonder if she'd misjudged him. And his intentions.

"And not for the first time," the old woman reminded her, with a knowing look.

"Exactly!" Elizabeth exclaimed, "Once before, I waited for him to come and see me, and when he did not …"

"You married Francis," Agatha finished for her, "and now?"

"I do not know!" Elizabeth almost wailed,  "He's deserted me. He tried to stop this marriage but offered nothing in return. He has taken what was not rightly his and walked away from the consequences. Why did he have to come?" She seethed, "I hate him for it. He's left me with only one possible choice."

 

Elizabeth hurried out of the house and called for a horse, then she rode in haste to Nampara. She had spent too much of her life as if she were on a ship at sea, trying desperately to stay aboard while having no power to direct it, no way to stop herself from being flung from storm to storm. She had only just been able to avoid falling into the depths of the sea.

Well, that was no more. Elizabeth was taking the steering rod into her own hands now. She was done waiting for others to make decisions, done sitting idly, trusting others to ease her suffering. They never did.

 

It wasn't until recently that Elizabeth understood that she had never experienced love. Not the kind that was sung about and lauded in the tales. Naturally she loved her son, and her mother, and she was quite fond of Verity, but she'd never felt the rush of emotion and desire that others described. The desire she'd seen in many men's eyes when they looked at her. Ross, Francis, and now George. They all looked at her the same way; as if she were made of one of the precious metals they mined for, and quarreled over. It used to flatter her, but in recent years it had started to make her feel ill.  To them she was something of great value, but not because of who she was; her brain, her personality . She was something to be won, bought, owned.

Used.

That was how she had felt after Ross's visit.

 

She had always felt it odd that her feelings for her husband, Francis, did not go far beyond her fondness for his sister. They were great friends, and Elizabeth loved being a part of their family -- especially when Francis's spirits were high -- but she hadn't cherished Francis in the way she felt she was supposed to. Certainly not in the way he'd cherished her.

For years, she attributed the disparity to her gender. Women, after all, did not experience the same temptations of lust as men. Surely that was why Francis always seemed to glow the morning after they had shared a bed, and she did not. That was what she told herself.

Until she met Demelza. Seeing the way that woman looked at Ross, her eyes full of loving and longing, of respect and understanding, mixed with an immense desire … It was like the way men looked at Elizabeth, but somehow more.

From that day forward Elizabeth had suspected her lack of love for Francis to be because she truly loved Ross. For if Demelza could love him so, than surely she could as well. She was simply with the wrong man, and had she made a different choice, years ago, she would have found the bliss in her marriage that others had. She convinced herself that it was Francis, not herself, that ruined the equation, and had very nearly believed it.

 

Until Ross had come, in the middle of the night, and taken what was not his. Something she'd dreaded. Something she'd longed for. Although she knew no good could come of it, there was a part of her that thought if she lay with him, she would be whole. She would understand what it was that others seemed to gain from intimacy. But she had been mistaken. Afterward she had felt the same, if not worse, as she had with Francis.

 

So her choices lay before her; Marry George -- to save her son and grant him the life that he deserved, but sacrifice herself to a life of constant pretense to do so; Wait for Ross to enact whatever fool plan he had. Gamble on the chance that he could somehow make her happy, even with his limited means and impulsive ways; or, she could try something else. Leave. Leave it all behind and start somewhere new. Bring Geoffrey Charles with her -- some place where no one knew them and no one had any expectations. Somewhere she could be free to smile and laugh with her son, without worrying about the lines it would cause on her face.

 

Such were her thoughts as she rode to Nampara, to confront the woman who's husband had wronged them both.

"How dare ye --" Demelza began as soon as she saw Elizabeth approaching. The hatred in her eyes was so intense, Elizabeth fancied her horse shied away from the fiery-haired woman. Elizabeth merely braced herself for a torrent as she dismounted and tied her horses reins.

"Demelza I know I am the last person on Earth you wish to see," Elizabeth said, once a wave of curses and insults had passed, "But please, I beg of you, hear me out."

"'ear ye out?" Demelza repeated, "Oh, aye, mistress, I'm sure it be all a misunderstanding. An honest mistake, no doubt." The sarcasm was so thick in her voice. Elizabeth had expected her to despise her, but it still took her aback.

"No," She said firmly, "It was not a mistake and I would never insult your intelligence so as to call it such." It was Demelza's turn to be taken aback, and she stared at Elizabeth as though she had sprouted wings. Or horns. She wasn't sure which.

"I --" Elizabeth suddenly realized that she wasn't sure what she was going to say. "I … I have decided to take my leave of Trenwith."

Demelza raised an eyebrow, "So you're marrying George after all, are ye?" the disdain was still very clear in her voice.

"No," Elizabeth answered, "No, I believe I am done with marriage. And men, I think." Demelza looked perplexed, and Elizabeth had to admit she was herself confused and surprised by the words coming out of her mouth. It felt as though she had been subconsciously planning for months, but had only just now become aware of it. "I am going to leave with Geoffrey Charles … tonight. We will go east first, I think. As far as we can. After that I do not know. I know only that I have to get away from this place."

Demelza raised an eyebrow, but shrugged. "Well, then go. Good riddance. I don't see why ye had to tell me."

Elizabeth took a deep breath, "Demelza, were we not friends once? Did we not share woes as well as joys only a few years past? What happened? Why are Geoffrey Charles and Jeremy strangers to each other, instead of playmates, as their fathers were?"

"Ye know full well what 'appened." Demelza said angrily. "My 'usband forgot which one of us do be 'is wife."

Elizabeth wanted to scream at Demelza for being so stubborn, at herself for coming here, for not saying all she wanted to say, for saying anything at all, at Ross for … everything. She longed to free herself from the calm and stately demeanor that she had hidden behind for so many years. But hide she must, if only for a short while longer. "I know that I have been a part of a great wrong to you, and for that I am immensely sorry," she said, keeping her voice reasonable with great effort, "and I admit that I never dissuaded Ross as much as I should have, but please believe me when I say I am no more happy about his actions than you are. I found recently that I do not love Ross. Nor did I ever, I believe. I only fooled myself into thinking I did to avoid another conclusion."

"What sort of conclusion do that be?" Demelza asked skeptically, although her hostility seemed to be fading. If only slightly.

"That is of no consequence at the moment," Elizabeth snapped. "I came here to ask you something."

Demelza stood with her arms folded, her face set with defiance. This was not at all the circumstance that Elizabeth would have wished for to ask this question, but perhaps that was for the best.

"I was wondering if you would come with me," she said somberly, not expecting a positive response. She continued before Demelza could start, "I know how you must feel toward me, but what do you have here? A failing mine? A broken marriage? Bring Jeremy and together the four of us can start anew. Somewhere no one knows our names or our backgrounds. Somewhere without all the ghosts of the past to haunt us."

Demelza seemed lost for words for a moment. "But what of my town, my friends?" she asked, "Nampara is my home. Ye would ask me to leave it?"

"Have you not already left one home behind you for hope of a brighter future?" Elizabeth asked quietly.

A heavy silence hung in the air between them as Demelza contemplated her future. Elizabeth knew that perhaps she was being hasty, and forcing Demelza to do the same. There was a future for both of them here in Nampara and Trenwith. They could survive. But Elizabeth was tired of surviving, and she did not want to escape alone.

"What of Ross?" Demelza finally asked in a very small voice.

Elizabeth wanted to yell, "How can you still care what happens to the blackguard! Hasn't he done enough? Whatever his fate is, don't you think he deserves it?" but she did not. She maintained her composure. Even she still carried some affection for him in her heart, despite herself. She knew that Demelza's love for him would never truly fade, no matter how broken it had become. A part of her would always be with him.

She wasn't sure which one of them she envied.

"Ross will live." Was what she said. It was cold, but it was true. Besides, Elizabeth had spent her whole life putting the needs and wants of men ahead of her own. She knew that loosing them both would be an enormous blow to Ross, but when it came to a choice he was no longer her priority.

"'e'll surely come after us," Demelza said.

"What will he do if he finds us?" Elizabeth asked, "Drag us back to Cornwall?"

"'E may at that." Demelza's eyes were wary, "'E 'as such a temper."

So Elizabeth well remembered. She shuddered. "Well then he won't find us," she said with conviction. She was sure the two of them together could outwit him. She met the fiery-haired woman's intent gaze. "What say you? Will you join me?"

Another pregnant pause before Demelza answered, "Aye, I was thinkin' of leavin' to me father's 'ouse anyway. You're right. There's naught for me 'ere but grief."

Elizabeth's heart surged and an unexpected smile broke across her face. She had not expected Demelza to actually agree. "I will return at dusk with Geoffrey Charles," she said. "Be ready."

As she rode back to Trenwith she couldn't seem to stop grinning. The thought of the adventure that lay before her, with the beautiful Demelza by her side; it almost assuaged the gnawing anxiety and dread she had felt for the past few days.

**Author's Note:**

> I know this wasn't very explicitly gay! The next chapter will delve more into what was implied here.


End file.
